Last words

Its those days where the damn weather is so damn shiok you wish you're not gonna wake up, sleep forever and ever. I bet you wouldn't even have nightmares, oh yeah.

I wish for the same weather tomorrow.

---

"How are you, my friend? Can I have you back? I'd missed you. My door is always open. I just don't see you coming through that door as often as before. Or did you lose the way to the door? Did you have time, or the lack of it, to find that door? What about the windows, the other openings? Did you see it? Can you find it? Something is missing, and I want to find it. I need it back.

(My friend, you prolly wouldn't even read it in the first place.)

-----

To make up for the lack of class photos, gonna take tons and tons tmrrrrr, don't matter what we're wearing, as long as the heart is there, as long as the unity is there, as long as we're still bonded as before. We're definitely NOT as bonded as before, why is that so? We're only left with 2 months, can we make these 2 months, more loving, more caring, more fun, joy and laughter?

-----

Okay so i still have a million and one things to pen down. It helps to have a notebook, Twitter, a blog. I just hope that when i look back at these, I am able to identify, with what I was feeling/thinking at that point in time. These are going to be my last words for a while. I don't even want to update my tumblr anymore. It's getting too much - shouldn't have liked so many things at once. Only jonasvault(!!!!! must follow for all JB fans!!), fuckyeah-(fillintheblank), quotewhore and blogsecret. The rest are redundant, irrelevant, useless, no link, no point and not helping me get my A1s.

A1s, you better belong to me. I'm going to own you, get you, laminate you. I can see it. It's so clear. You're going to appear on my results slip. You're going to be like a paper clip, attracted to the big magnet - my name on that result slip. And then with you, i'mma rock the world!!

Bye world, ttfn!

x x x

A million and one things running through my head (read: super duper short attention span). Can't seem to pen them down though. Must be that I wrote too much journal alr!!

Went back to Choir today to get our certs! Mr Ngian's speech damn touching omg! Hope the juniors like what Mw gave em :)

Then mrt-ed home with Mw, luv ya xoxo

Need to reassure myself that i REALLY REALLY REALLY want my distinctions for Chi the 2nd time i'm taking it. My goals had never seemed so near to reach, all i can see is a blurry line somewhere.

I CANNOT LOSE FAITH AH. NEED TO GET MY VISIOB BACK!!!! Oh prelims ah prelims..

Gonna curl up in bed with Jong's book and sleep early tonight, sounds like a damn great plan :)

Nights homiezzz

x x x

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I'M FINALLY DONE WITH MY JOURNALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Huge sigh of relief!!!!!!!

Now i need to focus on my chinese prelims on Sat, AMaths, Sciences, and basically all the other subjects!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3 days lehhhhhhhhhh eh no, 4 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear I cannot do journalism at the rate im thinking. (i think i type considerably quite fast alr w/o looking at the key board so i don't think its the typing, more of putting my thoughts into words hahaha)

OKAY CIAO !!!!!!!

x x x

I am super duper proud of myself on one hand to make considerable progress for my journals, but on the other, i'm neglecting all my other work, oh damn. But if i were to balance myself, i would have to hand up my journals weeeeks later lol.

So for my journals, I'm left with.. 2007, 2008, and 2009 maybe not so much because its been mostly written in all my other journals lol.

I may or may not be able to finish it by Thurs. HOPE HOPE!!

& I can't take it if the com crash again. I know it wasn't Mum's fault because she just happen to sweep the floor under the com's table and it sort of triggered the wire and whatever's under the table and it all happened so quick the next thing i know is the com restarted!!!! when i hadn't saved my journal!!! (thank god its been retrieved but its not the latest version so.. nvm i retyped alr). & then it sort of hanged and i restarted it the inproper way so i hope its not gonna shorten the lifespan of the com. any windows XP i've come across has never lived up to more than 3 years. this com is only 2 years? don't die please, or at least save everything important first!!! i dont want to lose my sec 3 and 4s photos too!! i beg you!!

I wonder if I really were to write a piece of news. HAHA @ the thought of it because imagine im only recounting past events and i already took so long, what about those vvvv recent news, does this mean that when ppl read them they will only read it days laterrrr because i couldn't typed it fast enough or i couldn't think fast enough to write it? omg can't imagine at all lol i prolly would be out of job/fired/sacked oh yeah.

My eyelids touching each other alr zzzz

x x x

I kept thinking I lost ALL of my sec 1 and 2 photos because you know, com crash, laptop crash, it wasn't backed up, and then you know what?!?!?!?!? Its still in my old blogs.... :O OMGGGG!!!!!!!

3-4 years alr, didn't even realise WE changed so much!!! OMG

I tell you, my skin is crawling!!!! I'm still cringing looking at em?! lololololol.

How to continue my journal like that?!

But you're so hypnotising

Before I fall too fast

Kiss me quick

Make it last

So i can feel how badly this will hurt me

When you say good bye

Keep it sweet

Keep it slow

Let the future pass

Don't let go

Tonight i could fall too soon to this beautiful moonlight

But you're so hypnotizing

You've got me laughing while i sing

You've got me smiling in my sleep

I can see this unraveling

And your love is where im falling

So please don't catch me

*

This is the video I was telling Mw about during recess!!
KAYLX SEE THIS TOOOO! :D
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE ♥♥♥

HOPE

Am STILL writing my July journal. I get that sense of peace when I'm writing journals. It keep me upbeat, and not all melancholy like here. Maybe because the journals have a purpose? and dirtymasquerade is like.. oh crap junk stuffs whatever bullshit. But its not. Its more personal to a certain extent. More hay-wire when it comes to jotting down my thoughts. Hmmm

Hope i can finish my July journal by today. HOPE HOPE!!

Sorry Darl for not being able to make it to your flea!!! Yesterday i was being lazy trying to do a lil of AMaths and a lil of Chem and watching JONAS (keke :B), while today i had hw (eeek) to do.. But glad I met you on Friday and had talks and more talks over shaker fries (!!!) and i think we ran out of things to say (rmb the pauses in between hahaha) HOPE your sale is good! See you sooonn!! luv ya xoxo

Oh yeah baby

"This life is what you make it.

No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes.

It’s a universal truth.

But the good part is, you get to decide how you’re gonna mess it up."

— Marilyn Monroe (via quotewhore)

Procrastination is the bane of my life. Period.

TGIF.

Short post:

4e2 PEEPS, WITH ANY CLASS PHOTOS PLEASE SEND IT TO ME VIA EMAIL!

(MIGHT NOT BE USING MSN AT ALL SO EMAIL WOULD BE BEST! THX)

ITS FOR THE E-YEARBOOK!

I DON'T KNOW WHEN DO I NEED TO HAND IN THE PHOTOS AND ALL, SO PLEASE SEND IT TO ME ASAP!

THANK YOU ALL SOOO MUCH!

x x x

HAHAHA SHERMIN SEE QI QI LOOK HERE my plan epic fail, walao -.- thought you are soooo against subway!!!! Then you had it for dinner also!! -.- *rolls eyes and flings hair* hate die you laaaaaaaaaa go die you also!!! later fat die you and then i LAUGH DIE MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA nope i will not let you have the last laugh MUAHAHAHAHA

okay so besides Subway i had Kiliney for dinner! I remembered Darl wanted to go there for breakfast one time but ended up we didn't eh? we still should though! :)

THEN THE SHIOK-EST - ICC!!!!!!!!!! Whoohooo double scoop of chocolate hershey's and oreos &cream and then the mixed-in was KINDER BEUNO :D wheeee still my fave, so chocolateyyyy!

Okay damn good food this weeeek :D so satisfied omg omg omg :D

Kay i hope see qi qi burst her blood vessels (direct translation from: bao xue guan hahahaha) from reading this post!! *laugh die*

x x x

Tumblr is fun! Follow me @boycottxxxlove.tumblr.com :D

Trying to work the RSS feeds, so that when i post here, my tumblr would be updated too!

JONAS whoohooo :D Sooo in love with weekends when there's JONAS!

Btw SEE QI QI DON'T LOOK HERE because the next thing i'm going to say is that..

I HAD SUBWAY TUNA FOR BRUNCH!!! :D Kekekekekekekekeke don't you feel like vomitting muahahahhahaha!

Okay tvvvvv is calling me bye bye

x x x

Self reflection time again, since everyone is out and the house is quite.. peaceful. But not my kind of peace.

I need peace. My definition of peace =

• non stop music playing, good music btw, those that are meaningful to me, means something to me, those that I can sing along to, those that i bop my head to, (need to create a super huge playlist for this)
• + No disturbance (good music is NOT disturbance in case you're wondering, it's goooood)
• + being sane
• + not stressed up by o's (a bit of stress motivates, a whole lot breeds inertia and the last thing i need is losing my momentum, if i have one to begin with)
• + guilty conscience not acting up
• + maintaining diplomatic relations (read: good terms) with my circle many-shapes of friends, everyone single one of you, you, you, and even Nica where you're in Aussieland and I don't even remember the last time we talked ):
• + while juggling with school work/revision/self-study/and more revision
• + quality sleep
• + the great escape from reality
• + love
• + my motivation & momentum to be on and green, not off and red.
• + NOT getting frustrated over subjects that I am weak in, mainly physics/ss/Lit/Chi (omg results on WED!!!)
• + Never to feel hungry ever again and i will only eat selectively (i.e. frog leg porridge haha)

& currently, I am not in peace because

• Listening to The All-American Rejects - Damn Girl now, favourite track from the new record and it reminds me of unhappy stuffs but i couldn't bear to change song
• I'm going crazyyyyyyyyyy
• Guilty conscience acting up because it's been an unproductive day (the only highlight was JONAS!!)
• My motivation and momentum is off and red
• No love no love
• Deprived of sleep
• I feel paranoid/stresssed up/insecure/confused/terrible/horrible/vegetable?
• I can never escape from o's, and i can never escape from reality
• I AM NOT STUDYING.

I want to know, am I putting unnecessarily stress on myself? I think the answer is yes. Because if I don't think about scoring that 10 points, i don't do it at all. I'm all talk and no action. It's just in my head. All the talk going in my head. No action. Thinking so much doesn't help me to get my 10 points. I NEED TO DO IT. I MUST DO IT.

My policy of isolation failed. Epic fail. Isolating myself doesn't help me to do my work. So what good does it do to isolate myself?!

Fail to plan, and plan to fail. But what if you planned and there were external factors that led you not to go according to plan?!?!?!?!?!?! Aren't you planning to fail that way too!??!??????

------

I badly want to go Bangkok.

I want to score 10 points. THE OTHER THINGS CAN WAIT!!!

GO ME!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was greattttt! Ate a lottttt!

Spent a bomb (usually i'd not spend that much) ON FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD.

Gonna let the pictures do the talking when I get em' from Shermin :D It speaks volume!

SO: PRELIMS IS OVERRRRRR!!!!!!!!! That explains the break from Thursday to Friday, and a lil today.

Gonna do physics and a lil of SS? Or practise my Oral, hmmm.

JONASS (i hope, laterrrr)

GO ME!

x x x

I am really really going crazyyyy

Self-reminder:

THERE IS ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD AFTER 11/11/09 TO PLAY, PARTY, HAVE FUN, SHOP, TWEET, BLOG, CHILL, RELAX, WATCH TV,

NOW IS NOT THE TIME!!!!!!!!

AM I CLEAR?

YES!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF!

YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 POINTS HERE I COME!!!!!

X X X

The Scientist

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

I'm going crazy

Sudden outburst of thoughts.

I want to have no regards for time at all. Whether the sun is up or the moon is up (oh wait they are forever up), whether how the earth rotates on its axis (?? shit I can't even do pri science!!), whether the sky is bright or dark, i don't want to care.

Our life is so incorporated into time that everything we do is about time, time, speed, fast, speed, quick, hurry, hours, minutes, seconds. E.g. breakfast is before noon, lunch is during noon, dinner is evening, supper @ night, study work 9-5.

"There's a time and place for everything." Oh how true.

It's 9.35pm now. Why can't it be 6am or 3pm?

Which reminds me that our body clock is the most redundant thing ever. I want to make up for lost time. That is why i don't want time to stand in my way. It is. Like, sleeping when I'm supposed to. I think i'm crazy to say this, but I rather do w/o sleep so that I can study, to make up for the time during the day when i DID NOT study.

I am running against time.

Then again, without time equate to no order. Chaos. YES I think i need a bit of chaos in my life right now. Hair-pulling moments. Head-banging moments. Crazy-jumping-up-and-down moments. Screaming-and-shouting moments. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH-ing moments. OMG-OMG-OMG moments.

Where are you all, XXX moments?

6 hours gone since I was home. I should be doing Lit/Emaths/Physics/Amaths.

Oh fuck.

x x x

GET THIS!!!!!! I don't believe it until Chriss showed me this!!!!!:

Coldplay's "The Scientist" use reverse chronology in which a scene plays backwards while someone sings normally. This is done by filming the video chronologically but getting the actor to sing the lyrics backwards.

Hats off to COLDPLAY!! You've just gain another fan!!!! :O

I WANT TO DO STH LIKE IT TOO!!!

Are we still friends?

I want to know..

Nothing is ever build to last

Taking a break from Prelims. Today don't feel like Thursday. It feels like Friday. But most of all, it feels like Prelims is over!!

Was out with the girls Shermin Ty Jong Jong Sherlyn Jaimeh & the guys Marcus + Haziq after History paper today. Mac brekky + Popular + GV + HangTen @ Tamp Inter should have checked first! + Bedok Inter + HangTen but OOS ): + Mac lunchy SHAKER FRIES & $1 coke + 33-ed home

Damn, we were all so excited yesterday when we knew we had to wear our own red tee for NDP celebrations tmr! Cus we wanted to get the same red tee! Saw the ad in 8Days where HangTen is selling the official NDP t-shirt @ $8 for min. 2 pieces! So wanted to get that and we could alll wear the SAME tee, cool shit, yes? But damn, all the S sizes are OOS, left all the big big sizes where the shirt itself can become a dress cus it covers our skirts even!

So now we're all gonna wear the 06 one instead. & why this year no free red tee?!?!?! Then what are we getting for souvenirs?!

More details @Shermin's!

*

Somehow dirtymasquerade has become a place where my trust is rightly placed. It has yet to betray me, or not that i know.

In a mood to do self-reflection. Need to come to terms with the things I can change and the things i cannot change. For example, what has been done is already done: i cant change history. & the things that CAN be done, must, should and will be done. O's is one. First and foremost is Oral on the 18th which I hope practice makes perfect!

Have to take things in my stride, accept things for the way they are, even if i change, or attempt to change it, it might work, it might not work. Why are there always two sides to everything?

My stress meter is on red alert, still haven't tamed it. I have no right to flare at anybody, no one deserves my chao bin. That means i have to suck it in, and handle it in a mature and sensible way, so that i won't hurt those around me, so that i won't end up hurting myself.

Have i mentioned, recently it's all talk but no action. Yeah. Just like that young man from Lit unseen.

Micro-serfs got me thinking: What is the one thing more than any other thing that makes one person different from any other person? There's no definite answer, really.

Loved times like this when my thoughts are all jumbled up but organized when putting it into words. Why can't i do the same for my P1s. -.- Oh yes, because typing allows you to drag and arrange chunks of words together, unlike when you're on paper.

In need of Coldplay. Caught The Scientist playing on MTV and that music video has always been my all-time-fave because i never get how they made it. Intriguing, i likey :)

Sometimes i wonder we as human beings bother with trivialities. Like, eating, sleeping, peeing, shitting. I want to a day without all these trivial stuffs, so that I am able to focus on the bigger picture. But things are not meant to be this way. One way in, another way out. We are not bottomless pit, forever taking, we must give back too.

Things that seemed so important seemed unimportant now. The sense of novelty died so easily. Familiarity breeds contempts. Why did my enthusiasm & zest *poof-ed* so easily?

Btw Twitter is down and I think i'm dying. Hahaha omg can't believe it had gotten so serious!

Panda eyes are getting worse. Going to curl up in my bed and continue with Micro-serfs (Y) and pray that tomorrow don't come!!

Ciao!

x x x

Shermin says:

:D

i'm so restless

♥ , J ♪ says:

ya lor

think i will take a nap vvv sooon

Shermin says:

lol

i haven started eating

lol

♥ , J ♪ says:

HAHAHAHAHHA

now i understand why you're so tired to chew

hahahhaha

Shermin says:

how you know

haha

♥ , J ♪ says:

hhahah

cus if you ask me to eat sth now

i will say

HUH I V TIRED EH

DONT WANT TO MOVE MY MOUTH

HAHAHAHAHA

Shermin says:

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

*

Hilarious. Nuff' said.

In the midst of prelims. Many more papers to go, 7 i think?

Hate mozzies kept biting me!! and i cant seem to smack it!! DAMN IT!!!!

I gotta feeling

Damn hooked to BEP's I Got A Feeling! Whoo makes me bob my head to the music and i can't sit still to write about the rise of Stalin!!